Saturday, February 6, 2016

Bile Burping Miles - Uwharrie Mountain Run 2016


Well, my fifth Uwharrie was perhaps my slowest, but that's fine. I'm just happy to still be able to get out there and finish 20 miles in a place like Uwharrie. I'm not racing much these days, so the blogging has slowed down as well. Besides, my races aren't really that interesting unless things go horribly wrong.

Starting hill conga line. Fun!

Speaking of races going horribly wrong, let's talk about today! After 5 miles, some horrible switch flipped in my stomach and gave me severe gastro distress. I thought seriously about dropping out of the race after 8 miles, but I soldiered on, because I'm stupid that way.

I spent the final 15 miles trying to get my stomach to stop cramping. The bloating was so bad, I swear I looked pregnant by the end of the race. No amount of burping or farting seemed to release the pressure. I must have generated some significant green house gases today, mostly in the form of burps. My apologies, Al Gore!

Uwharrie is always beautiful.

I can hear you now. "Well, did you try this or that or some other magic trick that always works on my cousin Susie?" Yes. Yes, I did.

I tried running faster. I tried running slower (walking, then stopping and sitting). I tried drinking water. I tried drinking Coke. I tried eating some salty soup broth. I tried eating potato chips. I tried eating some salty chocolate (OK, I just wanted that because salty chocolate is food of the gods!). I tried Gatorade. I tried Heed. I tried some medicinal liquid that vaguely resembled vodka (thanks, Heather!). That made me feel better for about 1 mile, but then the endless burping continued. I tried holding my breath (this was stupid and resulted in me nearly passing out and falling down). I tried belly breathing. I tried chest breathing. I tried short steps. I tried long steps. I tried, and I failed to stop the burping.

15 terrible bile burping miles.

30 minutes after finishing the race,  my stomach finally settled. Figures.

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