Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Owlbear Attack - Clean Up On Aisle PR!

Apparently, the wizard who lives in the dark, foreboding forest surrounding Owl's Roost Trail didn't take kindly to me claiming a sub-2 hour PR (pathetic/personal record) while running on "his" trail. So, an Owlbear was dispatched to destroy me, or at least to peck viciously on one of my Achilles tendons. Although it took over 2 days, the beast finally tracked me down. PR's have a certain, distinct smell. A combination of musty flop sweat and trail dirt scorched by napalm. Easy for an Owlbear to follow.

Fortunately, Owlbears dispatched by dark wizards come with claws and beak soaked in sleep potion, so they can lay waste to your vulnerable body while you dream of your next PR.

Owlbear Rolls for Damage
The Owlbear attacks while I'm sleeping, so get's damage of D20 + 2 (modifier for my stupidity), and of course he rolls a natural 20. Results:
  1. Right achilles. Pecked full of holes. Seemingly attached only by a few, painful, frayed strands. Walking when getting out of bed is like being stabbed with a knife in the heel. 2AM trips to the toilet are now out of the question. I'm exploring new bladder capacity capabilities.
  2. Left shoulder. Completely dislocated by brute Owlbear force. I am unable to open the refrigerator drawer to retrieve the magical healing Sierra Nevada Pale Ale potion.
  3. Both hips. Actually, entire lower torso has been devastated by a wicked, strong Owlbear hug. Range of motion now limited to about 20 degrees. Good thing I can't walk, because I couldn't move very fast with 10 inch steps.
Next time I cast haste, I will make sure I cast invisibility first. Or, perhaps, I'll just run slower.