Thursday, February 2, 2012

Taperchondriac

Oh, how I hate the taper. Some people really enjoy it, but for a neurotic like me, it's pure hell. Seems like every time I stop running in anticipation of a race, my body falls to pieces. First my feet hurt, which is stupid because they have it the easiest during the taper. Then all my old injuries seem to reignite. My hip will hurt for half a day. Then my ankle will ache. Suddenly, both my achilles are sore and tight. Then my hamstrings feel strained. And why is my back hurting?! That's not even involved in running, is it?

And don't even get me started on all of the "regular" sickness that I feel coming on. Is that an itch in my throat?! Great, I'm coming down with a cold 3 days before the race! Better get some extra sleep. But wait, insomnia strikes, so I'm only managing 3 hours or less each night! Ok, the throat itch disappeared, but now my kids are running fevers! ARRRGHH!!!!

Then there's the eating. Or in my case, the attempted eating. "Preload with carb rich food to build up your glycogen stores" all the experts advise. Not! Every time I try this, my irritable bowel stages a digestive system coup d'etat. And it always wins! Eat pasta?! I might as well wash down some concrete mix with hair ball dissolving drain cleaner.

It's very strange. And very annoying.

Now, where is my beer? What?! No alcohol in the last 48 hours of the taper?! Please, someone just shoot me...