Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Fear

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
Dune by Frank Herbert

I've faced the fear before, when training for the Medoc Trail Marathon. The fear of injury. The fear of failure. It's no easier this time for Umstead.

Strange that having a mediocre, almost trivial, goal in a race would so easily open the doors and allow fear to slink into my mind. Stranger still that I would be unable to shake free of that fear. Then again, the investment of time and effort to achieve the goal has been anything but trivial. I suppose even a mediocre goal may become precious with enough devotion.

Maybe it's not the fear of failure. Failures may be redeemed after all. Maybe it's the fear of loss. Loss of time, the most precious gift of all. I don't know.

All I know is that I have the fear, but the fear will not have me.